the trouble with Bart is
by thepinkhatter
Summary: Bart and Nelson get in trouble, meanwhile Lisa avoids talking to Milhouse. nelson/Bart lisa/Ralph
1. Chapter 1

Seymour Skinner sat at his desk across from one Bartholomew .J. Simpson, a fourteen-year-old blonde, blue-eyed trouble maker, who had just been sent in for the felony of "making a mockery of Ms. Krabapples class" and that term was used in the loosest sense of the manner, unlike principal Skinner Bart seemed to be in a chipper mood, no doubt proud of the terrors he had unleashed on the unsuspecting class

"Bart Simpson, why must you torment me so?" Seymour asked hopelessly, not even expecting a proper answer

"Because I like our little chats" Bart replied with a grin

"Oh there's no doubt about that!" Principal Skinner exclaimed, the sarcasm heavy in his voice

"Seriously Seymour, how long has it been since we've had a heart to heart chat?"

"Why just yesterday you were sent to my office for gluing the entire class's gym shorts to the ceiling" Principal Skinner replied seriously

"Really!? It feels like much longer don't'cha think?"

"No… I don't think!" Principal Skinner replied gravely trying to get back to the original subject, yet failing

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" Bart burst into mocking laughter

"I didn't mean it like that!" Principal Skinner protested trying to get his dignity back, even though he knew that it had been stripped from him the moment he had first met Bart

"Please Bart; we need to discuss this horrible need of yours to grab attention"

"We've already _discussed_ it" Bart replied icily

"No we haven't you keep dodging the subject!"

"Maybe I just don't like having my mind probed and analyzed!" Bart shot back haughtily

"I understand Bart bu…."

"I'm not a nut-job!" Bart interrupted "I've had plenty of psychiatrists poking at my mentality, and I'm warning you to stop while you've still got your sanity"

Skinner sighed, there was a lot about Bart he didn't understand, this was one of the things, most of the psychiatrists that Bart had been sent to wound up growing crazy themselves, the boy had a reputation for his mood swings, on the plus side they weren't as bad as his fathers, who by the way must be the only man Skinner has ever met who is on constant PMS

"Well young man" skinner went back to the original purpose of Bart being in his office "you did the crime so you have to do the time"

"That's more like it" Bart smiled

"Three weeks detention!"

"D'oh!"

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Nelson looked back at his reflection sullenly, his hair was still full of paint _that damned Bart Simpson_ he thought angrily _he didn't have to prank the __**entire **__class, even though it was kind of funny_ Nelson tried to suppress a laugh as he played back the scene in his mind, but two things befuddled him though, number one: where was Bart able to get all those gallons of paint? And number two: how on earth did Bart manage to find and sneak a wave machine to school?

_*fluuuush*_

"I made potty!" exclaimed young Ralph Wiggum who had just walked out of a bathroom stall

_*fluuuush*_

"Yes, I too made _potty_!" giggled Martin Prince as he walked out of a stall near Ralph's "hello friend nelson! I must say the red paint in your hair really brings out the green in your eyes"

"Shut up" Nelson growled "your fake flattery sickens me!"

"But it's not fake" cooed Martin while fluttering his eyelashes

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" nelson clenched his fists

"It's a _S-E-C-R-E-T_" Martin winked

"I think he's flirting on you!" Ralph squeaked

Martin chortled turning a deep crimson clashing with his purple paint filled hair "I wouldn't say thaaaaaat"

Ten minutes later Nelson was sent to the principal's office, while Martin was sent to the nurse's office, and poor Ralph went crying to miss hoover who didn't give a shit about the terrors he had just seen

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Bart turned around to see Nelson entering the principal's office looking as angry as hell, and slightly disturbed

"Uno! Uno! One card!" Bart heard Principal Skinner exclaim happily, wordlessly Bart put down his card wondering what Nelson was in for now

"Plus four! Again!? This must be the sixth one Bart Simpson!" Skinner huffed "you're cheating aren't you?"

"Took you long enough, I thought I'd have to pull out the seventh one before you even notice" Bart replied smugly

"You and mother are one of the same" Seymour said shaking his head sadly

"Let me get this straight" Nelson growled "Bart nearly drowned the entire class in paint, and his_punishment_ is _playing cards_ with the principal?"

"Yes, in addition to his three weeks of detention" nodded Principal Skinner

"Sounds fair" Nelson shrugged

"So what are you in here fo' guv?" Bart asked chipperly in his fake English accent

"Knocking out three of martins back teeth" Nelson answered matter of factly

"Oh lord!" Skinner gasped "what on earth for?!"

"For inappropriate coquettish behavior" Nelson answered gruffly

"Ah!" Skinner nodded noting to himself to look up _"coquettish"_ in the dictionary later "nevertheless that is no excuse for your violent behavior, three weeks detention!"

"**Three weeks!!**"

"Each tooth is synonymous with one week's worth of detention"

"That's bull-shit!" nelson protested

"Yay!" Bart cheered "detention buddy!"

Nelson pulled back a fist and punched Bart across the jaw

"Ugh!" Bart spat out a tooth "my tooth!"

"That's _**four**_ weeks detention now" Skinner said gravely

"Aw man!"

-------------------------

Lisa Simpson walked happily back home, unlike Bart, her mischievous older brother, she was having quite a lucky day, in fact just having Bart locked up in detention for an hour or two made her day a whole lot better, she loved Bart but it was hard to stand his antics 24/7 so it was nice to get away from the riot

"heey liiiiisa!" sang a familiar and oh so irritating voice

"…" Lisa preferred to just walk on by and ignore the irksome person tailing her _and my day was going on so perfectly_ she thought angrily

"I'm talking to _you_!" called the voice "can't you hear me?!"

"Hmm?" Lisa kept feinting deafness

"It's me Millhouse!" he called happily

Lisa kept on walking this time picking up the pace, behind her Millhouse also sped up _oh Buddha! _Lisa thought desperately _can't he get a clue?! _She started jogging, frantic to avoid talking to Millhouse yet to her horror he also started jogging

"I'll follow you to the ends of the eaaaaaarth!" he called as she broke into a run

-------------------

Nelson took a seat beside Bart in the detention hall; Bart was bent over a sheaf of papers writing frustratedly, Nelson observed this smugly since even though he had to be punished a week more, he didn't have to write lines _Haw H_aw_!_ He thought complacently

"Stupid bitch of an educational system" Bart muttered irately under his breath

Nelson grinned, it was a kind of sweet irony, made sweeter every time Bart cusses. Nelson watched Bart's hand blur as it scratched upon the paper, his nails though cut short looked kind of feminine, probably due to the black nail polish, _I don't get his taste in clothes at all!_ Nelson thought _he has black painted nails, an earring, sometimes he puts on eyeliner and topped off with his usual orange shirt and blue shorts,_ as his eyes moved towards Bart's shorts he thought_ very short shorts might I add_ Bart's shorts reached inches above the knees, reminding Nelson of Martin's "hot pants", yet unlike Martin Bart didn't look unpleasant at all, _he actually looks kinda hot!_ Nelsons mouth gaped as he realized what he had just thought, he quickly turned to look at Bart's face as if he could tell what Nelson was thinking, instead of an expression of shock or disgust as Nelson had just imagined, Bart's face was one of concern

"Are you okay?" Bart whispered "you're looking kinda red in the face"

"I'm just dandy" Nelson growled in reply then turned hurriedly away, as if talking to Bart had burned him

"Jerk! You don't have to be such an ass about it" Bart called to Nelson "that's what I get for worrying about you huh"

Nelson didn't turn to reply, but if he had he was sure Bart would be ogling at how red his face had become _please god, please make this really be a fever and not a flush of realized sexual interest_ Nelson thought in despair.

----------------

Meanwhile Principal Skinner sat in his office flipping through a thesaurus, he couldn't find a proper dictionary in the school library

"Ok _The Synonym Finder_ written by J.I. Rodale, find me a synonym for _coquettish_"

He searched through the list of words with an intense look of concentration on his face

"Coordinate, … cope, … copious, … copiousness, … copper, … copse, … ahem cough copulation cough, … hack copulative cough, … copy, … copyist, … ah here it is _coquet_"

Skinner immersed himself reading the following four lines, growing more disbelieving with each synonym

"This thesaurus cant be accurate!" he read aloud some of the synonyms "flirt, … make googoo eyes at, … bill and coo. Maybe the synonyms for _coquetry_ are more precise, … dear lord, sheep's eyes! That's worse than _bill and coo_! Maybe the next few synonyms are more... ahem clean, Gasp! … Spooning!! And this thesaurus was in the school library! That's it J.I .Rodale you filthy minded man your thesaurus is permanently banned from this schools library!"

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Authors notes: I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, for that last paragraph I was actually planning to use a dictionary for reference but like Skinner I couldn't find one, so I was forced to use my sisters thesaurus, but the result was much better than I had planned, Skinner reading through a thesaurus is much more entertaining than him reading through a dictionary

J.I. Rodale I salute you


	2. Chapter 2

Lisa ran towards the Kwik-E-Mart hurriedly, several meters behind her was Millhouse also running, Lisa who actually had an athletes body, even though she sometimes doesn't realize it, wasn't out of breath at all unlike Millhouse who was gasping and wheezing after her

"Slow down Lisa!" he called" so that we can make _**eye contact!**_Ah heh hehheh"

_Oh please no!_ Lisa thought as she finally reached the Kwik-E-Mart, without a second thought she ran into the over-priced convenience store

"No running in the Kwik-E-Mart!" Apu told her as she skidded in "cant you see I already have enough on my hands…" he gestured to Homer Simpson who had his head stuck in the microwave and was shrieking his girlish scream

"Please Apu I need to hide behind your counter from Millhouse" Lisa pleaded Apu

"Maybe if you leave a penny I will think about it" he smiled as he pushed forward his take-a-penny-leave-a-penny dish, Lisa grumbled as she searched her pockets, and then dropped a penny in the dish

"Hmm ok I am thinking about it" in the background Lisa could still hear Homer screaming

"..And?"

"Still thinking" he answered her, Lisa frowned as she got the picture, she quickly emptied her pockets from all the pennies she could find and threw them into the dish

"Oh thank you for the pennies Lisa" he grinned, and without waiting she jumped in behind the counter just a few seconds before Millhouse ran in

"No running please!" Apu sternly addressed Millhouse; who slowed down and looked around panting slightly

"Uh, Apu have you seen Lisa?" he asked, without a word Apu pushed the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny dish forward with a grin

"Hey what's this for?" Millhouse asked

Apu raised his eyebrows once then gestured to his counter with a nod of his head

"ooooh I get it" Millhouse said as realization dawned on him, then he promptly took a handful of pennies from the dish then stuffed them into his back pocket "now will you tell me where Lisa is?" he asked

Apu buried his face in one hand "oh how stupid are you!" Apu pointed angrily at the exit "put back the pennies and take your leave please!"

"Uh ah alright" Millhouse stuttered angrily as he placed the pennies back "but Lisa cant hide here forever you know!"

Crouched behind the counter Lisa gulped

-----------------

Bart looked curiously at Nelson, _I don't get it_ Bart thought _he was just fine with me this morning whys he being such a dick now?_ Nelson had kept his back turned to Bart since that incident; he was large, stubborn, and not easy to budge, much like a boulder. _Is it because I caused him another week of detention?_ Bart shrugged it didn't matter if Nelson wasn't his friend today , even though that makes detention kinda boring, but Nelson was sure to be his friend again tomorrow

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Unlike Bart Nelson didn't share the same opinion, he wasn't gonna be Bart's friend tomorrow nor the next day nor the day after that, because usually when a straight bully like Nelson Muntz is faced with a gay situation he avoids it like hell, why? Because he doesn't want any bully, any nerd, anyone to think any less of him, What if they all learned of his suddenly queer attitude? What would happen then? ...Springfield would go to ruins, and that would not be that much of an exaggeration, not for Springfield U.S.A at least, he could picture it all too easily:

_Smoke filled the blood-red sky, the sound of sirens and gun shots could be heard in the distance, as he ran he splashed through dirty mud and dust filled puddles, but that didn't matter all that mattered was getting away from the mob_

_"You can run but you can't hide!" called Lenny who was part of the angry mob _

_"Naw, you __can__ hide, but we still gonna kill yah" Carl corrected his buddy_

_"Jesus looks down upon darn-diddly- queers!" called what used to be such a friendly neighbor-ino (not Nelsons but you get the picture)_

_"Wont you please think of the children" wailed Helen Lovejoy_

_"Hey baby were not part of da mob" shouted a man from a different mob, instead of pitchforks they wielded fashionable man purses and colorful clothes _

_"We just wanna talk to you" another one cooed_

_Nelson picked up the pace and rounded the bend where he bumped into three angry figures_

_"How could you man?" the tall, skinny one addressed him with tears in his eyes_

_"w-we used to look up to you" sobbed Dolph_

_"Yeah!" squeaked a blubbering Kearny _

Nelson snapped out of his reverie as he heard Bart move from his seat

"Huh? Wha?" he asked

"Heh, good morning" Bart laughed " detentions over just so you know " he added with a wink, then walked out of the detention hall coolly, Nelson watched Bart walk out, more specifically he watched Bart's _asset_ leave the room, it took Nelson a while to realize that he was checking Bart Simpson out

"Shit!" he cussed angrily.

------------

Lisa groaned as she peered out from behind the counter, Millhouse was still pacing in front of the Kwik-E-Mart with a dead look in his eyes, reminding Lisa of a certain Nintendo DS Link game she played once, Lisa was Link, Apu was that Sprite, and Millhouse was the drone that paced around waiting for Link to exit the safe spot so that he could kill him

"Hey! Hey no loitering in front of the Kwik-E-Mart!" Apu shouted at Millhouse while shaking his fist angrily, Millhouse stopped pacing a while to stare at Apu, then continued his silent strike

"Lisa Simpson, I'm sorry but you have to leave" Apu told Lisa much to her disappointment "he is scaring the customers" he pointed to Homer and Ralph who were looking at Millhouse shivering slightly, with frightened tears in their eyes

"Oh alright, but I'm not gonna make eye contact with him" Lisa sighed

"No, of course not, I couldn't ask that of you!" he chuckled shaking his head softly

Lisa stood up, took a deep breath, then ran out of the Kwik-E-Mart as fast as her legs could carry her, she ran past Millhouse, with one hand covering her face

"I knew you were hiding her" Millhouse shouted at Apu

"Yeah? Tell me something I don't know!" Apu shouted back, Millhouse shrugged then turned to follow Lisa but she was already out of sight

"Man she runs fast!"

-------------------

Bart sat at home helping his mom make dinner; she was hacking at carrots angrily, while Bart mashed the potatoes trying not to look at her

"I can't believe you did that!" she told him angrily

" …What's so hard to believe about it?" Bart asked after a while

"Well..." Marge started calming down "it's just that you're fourteen years old now, but you still keep doing stuff like this"

"..So?"

"So, Bart cant you grow up and be a good role model for your sisters?" she sighed

"What's the point? They don't need me" Bart shrugged as he kept mashing the potatoes

"Aw, sweetie of course they need you" Marge smiled as she tipped the carrots into the sizzling pan

"Yeah right" he sighed as he dipped his finger into the mashed potatoes for a taste

"Is my little guy worried about his relationship with his sisters?" Marge asked as she checked on the Pork chops

"Not really" Bart answered her "actually Nelson…" Bart started but was interrupted by Lisa walking in

"Hi mom, sorry I'm late" she answered breathlessly

"Welcome back" Marge smiled "and why is my little angel late?"

"Millhouse! He insists on talking to me!" Lisa answered frustratedly waving her arms around

"So, why don't you talk to him?" Marge asked

"Well I don't want him to get a kick out of it" Lisa answered putting her hands on her hips and rolling her eyes

"Hrmmmm" Marge groaned worriedly

"And I do believe I lost four pounds avoiding him" Lisa said on a lighter tone putting both palms on her stomach

"Bart, what were you saying about Nelson?" Marge asked not wanting to hear anymore of Lisa's day

"Well, when we were both at detention, I thought he was acti.." Bart started to reply

"MARGE! IS DINNER READY YET?!" Homer shouted from the living room (pretty surprising since he was just in the Kwik-E-Mart a second ago)

"IT'LL BE ON THE TABLE IN A MINUTE HOMEY!" Marge shouted in reply

"OH!" Homer shouted back

"You were saying?" Marge smiled at Bart

"Something about Nelson" Lisa reminded them, choosing now to show off her amazing memory

"Meh, I'm sure it was nothing, forget it" Bart said then walked out of the kitchen to join his old man in the living room.

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Author's notes: in this chapter I added more about Lisa and her totally unrelated side story, I know I made Millhouse creepy but that's how he always is, may I remind you from the Grift of the magi

Millhouse: "Wanna dress up like ladies!"

Heh heh heh what a nut, anyway I'm sure some of you non-gamers are wondering about which game Lisa was talking about, its "the legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass" you get to move Link as a main character; I referred to this game's bad guys because I couldn't think of a better simile.

P.S: I do hope all the characters are still in character to you, my sis keeps telling me they are, but you know... I'm sorta paranoid plus, I didn't want to disappoint you guys.

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Thank you's:

Pink Hatter walked up on stage all prettied up, her arm linked with Homers

"good evening, morning or afternoon, depending on which time zone you are in" she (which is i) started "and here is Homer Simpson, this chapters Host with all the thank you's!"

(Readers cheer*)

Homer puts on his reading glasses smartly "ok first thank you goes to _maivugia_ A hundred thank you's especially to you, for being, the author can only assume, the first reviewer"

"And I did thank my sister!" I added

"And thank you _Lyra Su_ I'm telling you now to save your reviews for my big part, you doll you!" Homer winked

"Actually you don't have a big part, its gonna be mostly about Bart" I said somewhat nervously

"awwwww, he always has to best me at everything!" homer moaned

"Anyway, _pocketface_,_ Teegan_, and _Animage_ a special thank you to you guys" I said getting back to the original subject

"Um where was I?" Homer asked flipping through the papers distractedly

"You're supposed to thank _Masochist-Coffee_" I coughed in an undertone

"Oh yeah, thank you _Masochist-Coffee_, your name confuses me but not as much as _Pink Hatter_ whoo she's crazy"

"Shut up slave!" I commanded "and sorry you had to hear More of Millhouses voice in your head _Masochist-Coffee_"

"And thank you _Zodiac Rain_ and _Greenstarr _and anyone else that was stupid enough to review this he he heh crappy fic"

"I thought I told you to shut up!" I snapped

"aghaha _Greenstarr_" Homer threw back his head and drooled


	3. Chapter 3

The following morning Nelson avoided Bart completely on the bus, even though it looked like Bart didn't even notice giving Nelson mixed feelings, so Bart doesn't care that I'm avoiding him Nelson thought complacently well, that's good

The following morning Nelson avoided Bart completely on the bus, even though it looked like Bart didn't even notice giving Nelson mixed feelings, _so Bart doesn't care that I'm avoiding him _Nelson thought complacently _well, that's good! It's smooth, straight, un-gay behavior, and it's completely justified of course, I mean why should I care that Bart's not upset at all? I don't give a rat's ass, yup! I don't, not at all… damn that blonde fucking bastard!!_

--

Bart sat by Millhouse in the school bus looking slightly pissed with him, while Millhouse looked oblivious

"Millhouse?"

"Yes? What is it Bart?" Millhouse's head turned suddenly to face Bart

"Why is it that you were stalking my sister?" Bart asked raising an eyebrow

"Was not!" Millhouse protested

"listen Millie, I'm not gonna poke or pry, but so help me god if you do anything creepy like that towards my sister without my permission; also, might I add giving me horrible mental images, your dead!"

"… " Millhouse looked at Bart clearly upset

"Fine!" Bart smirked "temporarily dead"

"Oh, you're such a great friend Bart!" Millhouse exclaimed throwing his arms around Bart's neck "that's why I love you" he added nuzzling Bart's neck with his huge koala like nose

"….you what?!" Bart asked bewilderedly after a small stunned silence

"Like you! Like you! I meant like you!" Millhouse corrected himself loudly causing some students in the bus to stare

"You like me?" Bart asked his eyes widening

"Uh ah, umm? Yeah" Millhouse answered nervously

"Hmm, that sounds about right" Bart nodded

"Whew" Millhouse sighed with relief

Meanwhile Nelson who was seated slightly behind Bart thought _damn that fucking Millhouse!_

--

Lisa walked around in recess feeling more confident and free, no way Millhouse was gonna chase her around now, because apparently he was gay for her older brother, all the kids were talking about it, she giggled slightly wondering how Bart felt now after hearing the rumor, she could hear Bart's voice in her head reprimanding Millhouse angrily "why did you have to come out of the closet now?" _yes_ she thought naively _no more Millhouse chasing me!_

--

Millhouse walked with Bart at recess _oh god! Now he's on to me _Millhouse thought anxiously _I'd better __double__ my efforts with Lisa so he doesn't suspect_ Millhouse bounced on the balls of his feet a little as he followed Bart waiting for the right moment

"Ooh, ooh Bart!" he called after a few seconds, which he assumed was the right moment

"Yes Millie?" Bart asked smiling at him

"Can I follow Lisa around now?"

"Sure, go for it!"

"Thanks Bart!" Millhouse exclaimed before running of leaving Bart all by himself

Bart grinned as he watched Millhouse run off; oh he could just imagine the look of disgust on Lisa's face, that's what she gets for ranting about Millhouse all through dinner last night, Lisa always says that she's never paid much attention and that she doesn't care, but that's not true is it? If it was, she wouldn't keep talking about her life problems would she?

Bart shrugged, he couldn't fathom what was going through his younger sister's head, his job was just to contradict her as constantly as he could. Bart started walking around randomly; wondering who he should hang around with now that his best friend was gone, when he bumped into one of three figures

"Hey if it isn't the nerds main squeeze!" exclaimed a raspy voice that Bart recognized as Jimbo's

"o-oh!" stuttered Bart "what's up guys?" he asked smoothly as he regained his confidence

"Like, you are!" Dolph answered excitedly

"Wow! Me? Really? You must be trying to flatter me" Bart acted embarrassed, and looked away while moving his hand in a shy gesture

"No it's true! You're the talk of the school" Kearny confirmed in his high pitched squeak

"Now you're buttering me all up!" Bart giggled

"I'd like to butter you up" Jimbo croaked seductively in what was hardly above a whisper

"What?!" Bart exclaimed looking mortified

"Huh?" Jimbo looked shocked that Bart had heard him "let's push him around!" He told Dolph and Kearny in a weak attempt to hide his embarrassment, then pushed Bart toward Kearny and the bullying began.

--

Nelson walked around recess smugly, simply because now he had avoided Bart completely, and even in detention he didn't have to talk to him

"That's what you get for questioning me!" Nelson heard Jimbo exclaim in his raspy voice, glad to have someone to talk to Nelson walked towards his comrades, his brothers in bullying, and the best thing about that was that Bart was sure to stay away. As Nelson walked towards his friends he realized they were not pushing just some nerd around, they were pushing Bart around _this is bad! _Nelson thought anxiously _I should retreat slowly, and resist the urge to "haw haw" at my own irony _slowly Nelson retreated, when someone bumped into him sharply forcing him forward.

"Sorry Nelson!" called Lisa as she zoomed by

"Wait!" Millhouse wailed after Lisa, also bumping into Nelson forcing him even closer to the group

"Hey Nelson!" Dolph greeted Nelson happily

"Join us!" squeaked Kearny pushing Bart towards Nelson, the red on Nelsons cheeks quickly spread as Bart fell onto him and clutched on to his vest for balance, the blush intensified as their eyes met, Bart's bright blue eyes looked into Nelson's brown-green eyes, one second, ..two and Nelson looked away awkwardly.

"c'mon push him back" Jimbo croaked impatiently with his arms spread ahead of him ready to catch Bart "c'mon don't you remember how this game goes?"

_Oh god! What should I do?_ Nelson thought worriedly _push Bart back? stand up for him? But what if Bart figures it out?_

"don't!" Bart looked at Nelson nervously "c'mon we're friends aren't we?" Bart smiled in a feeble attempt to appeal to him

Nelson sighed, looked back at Jimbo with a glare " why don't grow yourself some balls and pick on someone your own size?!" he growled

"they're growing" Jimbo protested gruffly

"really?" Dolph asked with noticeable surprise "I thought all the radiation around here shrunk them!"

"ah ha ha ha ha" Bart dropped to the ground laughing

Nelson grinned then walked away, just because he stood up for Bart just now doesn't mean that he wasn't avoiding him any more.

--

Bart grinned broadly at where he _**thought**_ Nelson was just standing, yet found himself grinning at Nelsons retreating back

_What? Where the hell does he think he's going?_ Bart thought irritatedly as he tried to catch up with Nelson _is he avoiding me or something?_ Bart watched Nelson telling what he recognized as Millhouse off _Nah he'd never do something like that._

--

Lisa was currently sitting up a tree, why? The answer: a horny koala like dog (A.K.A Millhouse) had chased her up the damn tree She didn't know how her brother could stand him, or even look him in the eyes because to her the phrase "pain in the ass" suited him so well it could have been his birth name "Pain-in-the-ass Van Houten"

"liiiiiiisaaaaaa where are you?" Millhouse howled with the same intensity as a dog in heat, and that was about the same time that Nelson bumped into him

"You!" Nelson growled grabbing Millhouse by his collar and shaking him "you damn fucking son of a bitch!"

"Whoa! Whoa!" Millhouse waved his hands in what he must have thought a soothing manner " calm down and tell me… what is up your hiney?"

Lisa giggled audibly, but the pair didn't seem to hear her, they were to busy wrapped up in their own conversation

"what do you mean what's up my hiney?!" Nelson growled

"no, not my hiney, your hiney" Millhouse corrected Nelson

"whose hiney?" someone sniggered as he walked closer to the duo, Lisa realized that it was her own brother Bart walking closer to Nelson and Millhouse with an amused look on his face

"that's none of your business!" Nelson snapped

"whoa what's with the attitude?" Bart asked, Lisa leaned in from her perch on the tree branch this conversation seemed interesting, but she didn't take into account that leaning down would make her more noticeable to the group.

"THERE YOU ARE LISA !!" Millhouse shrieked, pointing at her with a look of triumph on his face.

--

Bart watched his second youngest sister scramble out of a tree with amazing speed and dexterity, push pathetic Millhouse away then run into the school seeking sanctuary. Bart tried to nudge Nelson in a "hey would you look at that my sister is being stalked by my best friend, isn't that funny?" kind of way, but once again Nelson had slipped away in all the confusion. Even later in detention Nelson made no attempt to even look remotely interested in Bart, he just took up his boulder yoga position and completely ignored Bart, as if in the whole wide world there was no such person named Bart Simpson _he IS ignoring me! But why? What did I do?_ Bart thought hopelessly, it hurt him to know that Nelson was no longer acknowledging him as a person, Nelson wasn't the type of person to completely ignore someone, he'd usually gave you some hint that he knew you were there, and that is why Bart thought that Nelson no longer thought of him as a friend or even as a person, but little did Bart know that, inside Nelson, feelings were stirring that were even beyond friendship.

Authors note's: sorry it's been a long time since I've updated, I was faced with exams, a brief resting period, followed by TOEFL (Test Of Foreign English Language), another even briefer resting period, in addition to SAT (Scholastic Assessment Test), ugh god I hated both the tests they were at least four hours each, who needs that?! It's a down right pain in the ass, also I'll have my finals in a matter of three weeks! Now that I've finished ranting back to the story! I'm sorry the paragraphs are so short but I hope you enjoyed the over all story and jokes.

Thank You's:

We see a dim room where two people are seated only their siluettes can be discern. A spot light flares down at the two of them to your left sits side-show bob, leaning back, legs crossed, grinning at you.

To your right, perked up with his hands placed neatly on his knees, sits cecil.

"hallo." Says bob grinning at the camera "and welcome to pink hatter's thankyou notes, I'm your host 'sideshow' Robert terwelliger."

"ahem" it wasn't a warning cough someone actually said ahem.

"oh yes, and this wispy fellow is my delightful brother, cecil."

"I'd thank you not to refer to me as wispy, and I though we agreed on the introductory term "the terwelliger brothers""

Sideshow bob ignored him "I've been called here today to thank the following people" he takes a little card out of his pocket and graces it with his gaze. "greenstarr, teegan.." he raises an eyebrow" a masochist-coffee and a.." raises his other eyebrow " pokey the great? That's it? Four measly reviews? HAH! In my fan fiction writing day I'd get twenty on the first chapter!"

Cecil grinned wryly "in your fan fiction writing days there was no internet! You wrote your own reviews."

"and they were damned good ones too!" growled bob. "none of this LAWL and rotfil stuff!" he turns to the screen face now completely calm "..and as me and my brother discuss the grammatical decadence that is the internet, thank you and goodnight"

The screen begin to fade to black.

I didn't get to say my bit" whined cecil a bit too late.


	4. Chapter 4

She ran, ran like her life depended on it, but he still followed close behind her, would this chase ever end? Are they destined to play this game of cat and mouse forever? Well Lisa was exaggerating a bit, Millhouse had stopped chasing her several times to take a breath or have a drink of water

"Time out! Time out!" Millhouse called desperately "I need to pee!"

"Pee then so I can be rid of you!" she called over her shoulder

"C'mon Lisa don't say it like that" he whined, Lisa made no move to reply she just ran all the way home while considering taking legal action just as she had her own brother four years ago.

--

Bart sighed as he entered his house, it had been a long day of detention made longer by the fact that Nelson was no longer speaking to him, he trudged along towards the couch and collapsed on it face first.

"Welcome back from detention Bart" Lisa told him as she walked into the room

"Whatever" Bart gave her a muffled grunt in recognition

"What's wrong?" Lisa asked in concern "arm cramps?"

"Mmm no" Bart answered dejectedly "Nelson's not talking to me"

"Why?" Lisa asked remembering what happened earlier at recess

"If I knew, would I actually look upset?" Bart asked her angrily as he sat up straight

"Hmm maybe it's the "paint incident"?" she suggested

"I dunno Nelson doesn't get so upset over little things like that" Bart frowned

"Little?!" Lisa scoffed " Martin's still cleaning the paint out of his ears!"

"Lisa, Nelson is my best friend I know what little is to him" Bart stated somewhat proudly

"Then how come you don't know why he's not talking to you?" Lisa asked smugly, Bart didn't answer her he could feel all the air deflating from his head, and he was so sure a second ago that he knew Nelson the best

"Maybe I don't know him as well as I thought" Bart voiced his thoughts

"I heard the direct approach is always best" Lisa suggested

"Bah, you're not good for nothing" he hopped off the couch and headed upstairs

"That's grammatically incorrect!" Lisa huffed angrily stamping her feet

"You're grammatically incorrect" he called from the top of the steps

"aaaaargggggghhhh!!!" Lisa screamed in frustration.

--

That night Nelson roamed the streets like a stray tom cat, he desperately wanted to see Bart, but at the same time he didn't want to, after all how can he face Bart being the way he was, what if Bart found out what was "ailing" him, then what? Live his worst nightmare? No he'd rather not

_If I had more money honey would you love me love me love me if I wasn't just somebody like me…_Nelson's mobile rang, vibrating in his pants pocket asking to be picked up, Nelson answered his mobile with a gruff

"Who the hell is it?"

"I thought you had caller I D" Bart's voice came flooding into Nelsons ear, Nelson could feel the tips of his ears burning up

"What do you want Simpson?" Nelson stuttered into the phone not as intimidatingly as he had hoped

"I want you to tell me why you're avoiding me!" Bart replied angrily

"I'm not" Nelson protested unconvincingly

"Really?" Bart asked suspiciously

"Yeah" Nelson lied

"Then you'll come watch me photoshop a bunch of pictures of Skinner and Chalmers tomorrow?"

"Cant!" Nelson stated uncomfortably

"Why?" Bart asked in a tone that suggested the answer had better be good

"er… " Nelson thought wildly of an excuse " well my mom…"

"Your mom? What about her?"

"My mom says …umm?"

"Says what?"

"She says you're a bad influence for me"

A long silence hung after that

"…. Your moms a stripper" Bart said in a hushed tone

"So?!" Nelson barked "just cause she's a stripper doesn't mean she ain't got not no morals!"

"Oh yeah, I remember now, your mom is a woman of many morals **and** a stripper.." Bart said sarcastically

"Don't be a smart ass Simpson" Nelson growled

"Well I guess I'll be seeing you **and** your mother at church this Sunday" Bart retorted before hanging up, Nelson frowned as he shoved his mobile into his back pocket, his mom never goes to church, I guess Bart will have the last "haw haw" this Sunday.

--

Lisa sat in the living room flipping through a preteen magazine; "oh" she thought "Andy from the Balognas brothers is so cute"

"Bart" she called to her brother who was stamping down the stairs "don't you think Andy is adorable?" she cooed absolutely love stricken as she flashed him the picture of the curly haired tween

"Ick! You could do a lot better" Bart told her after a moment of inspection "I mean what's with the hair?"

"Well I believe…" she started dreamily

"Forget about what you believe!" he snapped remembering why he was angry in the first place "not only are you grammatically incorrect..."

"I am not..." Lisa protested

"…But your advice is horrible" Bart continued regardless "and since I still don't know why Nelson is mad at me…" he pulled the magazine out of her grasp "I'm gonna take revenge all over you hubby's face!"

"Leave my hubby out of this!" Lisa shouted

"Marge, Lisa has a hubby!" shouted Homer wildly, who just happened to be passing by with a can of Duff Beer in hand

"Oh No! Lisa's too young to have a hubby!" Marge rushed into the living room oven mitts still on

"Mom!" Lisa wailed

"Ha ha take that Lis!" Bart laughed as he threw the magazine into the fireplace

"Whoot!" Homer and Maggie cheered as they watched the magazine quickly catch fire and turn into cinders (FYI Maggie was always there she just doesn't say anything) and Marge let out a croaky groan.

--

Nelson held his breath as he knocked at his Mothers door that Sunday, he of course was already dressed in his Sunday's best, Nelson was very religious although he didn't look it, not religious to the point that he wouldn't lie, cheat, or steal only to the point that he could crack open the bible every once in a while and hope that all the lines talking about immoral women burning in hell weren't talking about his mother.

Nelson knocked again this time impatiently, he couldn't let Bart find out why he was avoiding him; he cared about Bart way too much to even risk losing him.

"Mom" he called out frustratedly "Aren't you coming?"

"wha? Coming where?" She asked sleepily from the other side of the door

"Um, you know to… to church" Nelson managed to reply feeling foolish

"Haw haw " She laughed and he was pretty sure pointing at him to, lucky for him he was on the other side of the door

"So is that a yes?" Nelson asked weakly

"It's a no, now let mama sleep" she replied gruffly, he could hear the springs of her mattress squeak as she rolled over.

"Aw c'mon Ma" Nelson begged

"Don't make me come out there Nelson!" his mom warned

"To go to church?" Nelson asked hopefully

"To kick your ass" She replied angrily

"Fine" he sighed, Bart is never gonna let me live this one down he thought bitterly.

---------------------------

"Mom, Homer c'mon we'll be late for church!" Bart called as adjusted his tie

"We're coming sweetie" Marge assured him as she tied a pink ribbon onto Maggie's hair, Homer glared at Bart suspiciously as he lumbered down the stairs

"Why are you so excited about church, Boy?" Homer asked skeptically "You'd better not be up to something"

"Dad is right" Lisa nodded "you've never been excited about religion before"

"Don't discourage him" Marge said sternly as she headed towards the car with little Maggie in tow, Bart grinned widely at Homer and Lisa, sending a shiver down their spines, before he followed after his mother cheerfully.

Lisa and Homer exchanged worried looks, sighed then shuffled slowly to the car where Bart sitting erect on the seat a dark shadow covering his eyes. homer let out a little sob as he started the car

"Hurry up Homer we've got preaching to listen to" Bart said eerily

" aughuhuhuhuhu" Homer wailed loudly "why did i have to have Satan for a son?!"

-----------------------

Authors Note: I AM SO SORRY!

i'm such an idiot, i never finish anything, i mean i have such great readers like you guys but i still didn't finish the story

it's thanks to all your support that i managed to finish this chapter at all, so thank you so much for the comments and also thank you for adding me to your favorite author list.

the next chapter will be regarding what happens in church, and of course will have a lot to do with Reverend Lovejoy. look forward to it. and tell me what you think of this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

Nelson sat uncomfortably in the back pews of the church , he was currently seated between Carl and Lenny

"so another fun-packed sunday eh?" Carl joked, Lenny looked confused about the comment

"What? but church isn't fun"

"Yeah, haha.. i was being sarcastic"

"Oh! haha"

Nelson couldn't even stop to make fun of Carl and Lenny's stupid conversation all he could do was wait for this day to end and try to calm his heartbeat.

It was loud, it was fast, it was a heavy beating that slowed the world down before him, it filled his ears and drummed against his ribcage painfully and at the same time a cold sweat ran down his spine. Overwhelmed by the effects of anxiety Nelson thought over his options "there's flight and then there's fight" he thought , but really there was only one possible course of action "run! run with your tail between your legs" Nelson's eyes bulged slightly as the thought run through his mind, he made to get up when he heard a familiar ruckus

"But Marge the boy is looking forward to going to church!"

"and what's wrong with that?"

"yeah Homer, what's wrong with that?"

"Nobody likes going to church Marge"

"Homer, lower your voice you're embarrassing us"

everybody in church glared as the Simpsons walked in as was the norm, Marge flashed everybody a nervous grin then quickly to the nearest pew and sat down. but unlike the rest of the Simpsons Bart didn't rush to find himself a seat, he walked slowly his footsteps echoing slightly, The stained-glass in the church windows cast an unearthly shadow on his face, he turned his head lazily looking through the seated church-goers of Springfield.

Nelson gulped and tried to hide himself from Bart's view, he hoped that Bart didn't notice him, Nelson peered out from behind Carl timidly, Bart was already looking in his direction he had stopped walking completely, his arms were folded, and a reprimanding look on his face, his eyes met Nelsons

"where's your mom?" Bart mouthed scathingly before turning sharply and taking a seat next to his family. Nelson shrunk in his seat feeling ashamed and embarrassed

"at least it cant get any worse" he muttered to himself

"Todayyyy peoplllle of Sprinnngfiellld" Reverend Lovejoy drawled "ourrr serrrrmonnn will be abouuut"

he paused on his face was a look of disgust "Ho-mo-sexualsssssssss" he stressed each syllable grinding his teeth in the effort, Nelson moaned and slid down his seat looking mortified

"Oh my doudily doodily!" Ned Flanders exclaimed, throwing his hands up in surprise "Reverend there are children here!"

"Good that wayyy they wont have an exxxcuse when they're beinnng tortured innnn hellllllllll"

a hush fell upon the onlookers, some people coughed, Marge groaned and Mr. Smithers got up quietly and left the church

"God did not create Adddammm annnnd Eeeve so that mennn would start sleeping with other mennnn"

"Thats right!" Flanders clapped vigorously and started waving a lighter over his head like he was a teenager at a rock concert, Reverend Lovejoy rolled his eyes

"kisss-asss" he muttered audibly then continued preaching

"Ho-mo-sexuallity goes againnnnt the naturalll balannccce of the universe! Innn fact it is sssssaid that onnne dayyy the earth will tremble beneath their feet, crackinnng to reveal a fiery pittt that will swallow them up TAKING THEMM STRAIIIGHT TO HELLLL WHERE THEY WILLL BUUUURNNN LIKE LAMB CHOPS ON AN OPEN FLAME!!"

"Yeah!"

"Whoo"

"burning fags!" the people of springfield cheered, getting worked up

"How 'bout we go find a gay to burn right now?" Homer suggested

"yeaaaah" Every one ran towards the entrance eager to leave

"not ssso fassst!" Reverend Lovejoy called, Helen Lovejoy quickly sealed the exit

"AWWWW" everyone whined and slowly went back to their seats.

"Nowwww, let us conn-tinnn-nue ourr serrrrrmonnnn" Reverend Lovejoy smiled whimsically " Ho-mo-sexualsssssssss... ... or gayyyysssss whichever you preferrrrr, as long as you don't preferrr the same ssssex, walk among us hiding in human sssskinnn..."

"AAH!" Homer let out a frightened scream "In our skin!?"

"No homey, thats not what he means" Marge tried to reassure her husband

"That's exxxactly what i meann"

"Hrmmm" Marge let out a worried groan while the reverend continued with his homily

"... They eat like we do, They sleep like we do, The might evennn hate Fox like we do, but when they love they love THE SAAAAME GENNNDER! They are different and must be prosecuted for being different!"

Ned Flanders started sobbing uncontrollably, Todd Flanders put a worried hand on his fathers shoulder "Daddy are you okay?"

"Leave himmm" The Reverend stretched out his palm like an officer controlling traffic " The words of God have touuuched himmm" He then turned to face the rest of his reluctant listeners "Unlike sommmme pe-ople who haven't been paying attennnntion!"

Everyone let out annoyed groans, Nelson frowned he tried not to relate his crush on Bart to what Reverend Lovejoy was preaching but it was getting harder by the second.

"annnd even worse than the people slacking off are the gayyyys that sit here among us not even batting an eyyyyelash ..." he leaned across the altar a judging look in his eyes "... and wear shorts to church"

It was obvious to just about everybody in church that the Reverend was singling out Springfields own Bartholomew J. Simpson, heads turned to locate the Simpson boy, Nelson hated himself for it later but false hope was filling his heart. It took Bart a while to figure out that Lovejoy was calling him gay

"What!" Bart stood up " you're calling me gay?!"

"Oh no!" Homer wailed " He admits it, Marge, Bart's a queer!"

"No I'm not!" Bart shouted angrily "listen you.." he pointed at the reverend angrily ".. you're gonna regret you ever called Bartholomew J. Simpson gay!"

"Oh i'm going to regret it am I, Bartholomew Gay Simpson?"

everybody gasped "Oh no he di-in't" Ralph shook a finger, Bart pursed his lips, put his hands on his fists walked towards the podium and glared up at Reverend Lovejoy. Reverend Lovejoy leaned down towards Bart and whispered

"That's what you get for keying my car you little Brat"

Nelson had rarely ever seen Bart react with such ferocity, Bart hands shot forward grabbing the reverend by his collar, tugging him off the the podium and sending him head over heels. Nelson thought that maybe Bart would rush forward and kick the reverend while he was down cause that's what Nelson would've done, but he didn't he just smiled with satisfaction as Reverend Lovejoys robes slipped up revealing Postman Pat boxers

"how "Gayyyy" is that!" Bart exclaimed mockingly

"GASP!"

"He's wearing shorts!" Homer growled

"They're boxers!" Reverend Lovejoy protested

"yeah well they've got Postman Pat on 'em" Chief Wiggum pointed

"And everyone knows that's gay" Carl said knowingly

"Postman Pat, Postman Pat" Homer started chanting while smacking his fist into his palm threateningly

"Postman pat and his black and white cat" The rest joined in surrounding the poor reverend like a lynch mob

"AAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH"

----------------------------

Lisa stood outside of the church along with Marge and Maggie waiting for the beating to end, she could not believe that the reverend accused Bart of being gay " I mean that is the stupidest thing thing a person can do to Bart" Lisa thought shrewdly " Doesn't he know Bart's not gonna take that kind of thing lying down" since he was occupying her thoughts her eyes instinctively searched for him, but she couldn't find him

"That's odd" She muttered, he should have been somewhere near the mob, she decided to go off in search for him, unfortunately that was about the same time that 'HE' spotted her

"My don't you look ravashing in your sunday dress" 'HE' chuckled ( i know ravishing is spelled wrong thats just how he thinks it's pronounced)

"Aaah!" She took off screaming, even on the most religious day off the week he tries to hit on her!

-------------------------

Bart was too preoccupied to sit around watching the punishment being doled out on that foolish reverend, he had noticed Nelson sneaking out from the commotion and no way in hell was letting him off peacefully

" Freeze Liar!" Bart snapped poking Nelson in the back like a cop apprehending a criminal, He turned to face Bart a panicked expression on his face

"Listen you!" Bart demanded grabbing Nelsons large wrists tightly and looking him squarely in the eyes " I'm not letting you go until you tell me why the hell you're avoiding me!"

------------------------

Authors Note: Man i really hate writing church chapters, i have no idea how it's supposed to go since I'm Muslim, and when it involves religion there's always someone whose offended. so to anybody whose Christian and/or Gay no offense and my apologies.

I did feel that there's something Immoral with having a man of church beat up but i keep thinking " hey it's The Simpsons!" so i guess it's okay ^^;

This chapter is technically the gag chapter while i was writing it i kept thinking of more and more jokes which i stuffed in there i have no idea how i came up with that whole Postman Pat thing... it's actually kind of creepy 0_o;

BLOOPERS: yes there are even bloopers in writing i actually wrote this

...he paused on his face was a look of disgust "Ho-mo-sexualsssssssss" he stressed each syllable grinding his teet in the effort,...

OMG I am so glad i picked up on that, i don't know how i could've explained it if you guys misinterpreted it. XD


	6. Chapter 6

Recap:

"Listen you!" Bart demanded grabbing Nelsons large wrists tightly and looking him squarely in the eyes " I'm not letting you go until you tell me why the hell you're avoiding me!"

Nelson frowned worriedly "i can't tell him" he thought to himself "it would ruin me, and our friendship" after two minutes of deep thought Nelson let out a noncommittal grunt. Bart slipped his hands from Nelson's wrists into Nelson's hands squeezing them anxiously

"Nelson please!" he pleaded leaning closer towards Nelson, How could Nelson resist that? how could he let Bart worry? he had to tell him! finally with some resolve he said it

"Bart, i love you"

many expressions ran across Bart's face upon hearing Nelsons confession : Shock, Confusion, Understanding/Acceptance and finally Disappointment and Disgust

"oh, so thats it" he looked away as he said it, letting go of Nelson's hand and taking steps back

"You know Nelson..." Millhouse suddenly appeared by Barts side

"... i already have one friend gay for me ..." he put and arm around Millhouse who gave Nelson a smug smile

"... who ever said i needed one more?"

"Yeah!" Millhouse sneered putting an arm around Barts hip possessively, they gave Nelson one last look before walking away.

Nelson dropped to his knees in anguish, when the floor started shaking underneath him and cracks appeared across the ground, growing larger and larger till they formed a deep chasm, flames shot out of the abyss licking at Nelsons limbs and pulling him in. Inside the fiery pitt sat a devil version of Reverend Lovejoy and devil version of Homer Simpson

"Lookkkk heerrrrrree coommmmmmes annnotherrr onnnnnnne"

"ooh bully chops aaauughahahah" Homer threw back his head and drooled at the thought

"" Nelson screamed as Devil-Homer jumped up and tried to bite Nelsons leg hungrily.

"Nelson?

...

Nelson?

...

HEY! NELSON!"

"huh?" Nelson snapped out of it, torn away from his horrible mid-day terrors, he looked down, Barts hand was still gripping his as tightly as before and his leg was intact "thank god!" he thought and sighed a sigh of relief.

Bart pouted " what the hell was that?" he thought " first his face turns red, then as pale as a sheet, then he starts muttering something about bully chops! what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He looked searchingly into Nelson's eyes a few seconds before letting him go and saying

"Fine, i don't care anymore"

Ralph Wiggum stood outside the church smiling dumbly, he spotted Lisa Simpson running in his direction, his smile grew wider, he liked Lisa Simpson she's nice, well mostly. behind her he could spot Barts friend Milshouse... or was it Millhouse? Myhouse? no not my house His house! uh? deciding that this was all too hard for him he shut down his brain and just kept smiling.

"Ah!" Lisa stumbled as she ran grabbing on to Ralph for Balance

" I got you now!" Millhouse shouted excitedly running towards Ralph and trying to pull Lisa of off him

Ralph noticed how tightly Lisa held on to him, now Ralph wasn't the smartest of guys but it was obvious Lisa wanted nothing to do with Millhouse, reacting instinctively he put a protective arm around Lisa and shoved Millhouse away, Millhouse fell flat on his ass.

Nelson blinked, Bart looked serious

"What?"

"I said i don't care"

"oh uh?" Nelson avoided looking Bart in the eye, it was obvious that Bart got sick of questioning him and no longer wanted anything to do with him.

"I don't care why you're avoiding me" Bart continued "So suck it up" Bart poked Nelson in the chest "you're still my best friend whether you like it or not"

The corners of Nelsons mouth twitched

"you don't want to know?"

"no, were you going to tell me?"

" i guess not"

"then it's settled"

"what if i do something you and me would both regret?"

Bart scratched his head looking confused, he clearly had no idea what Nelson was going on about

"as long as you don't beat me up then I'm fine with anything you wanna do"

"You're lying!" Nelson exclaimed in disbelief

"Wha? you're the liar!" Bart shoved Nelson

Nelson grabbed Bart's hands, looking at him intently

"You wanna be my friend?"

"well, duh"

"y-you don't hate me?"

Bart looked up at Nelson feeling confused, Nelson looked like he was anticipating the worst, Bart didn't know why but he felt a blush grow on his cheeks as he answered

"I don't hate you"

Nelson grinned and pulled Bart into a hug, he was just so glad that his crush on Bart wasn't going to affect their friendship, Bart pushed him off roughly his head bowed so that Nelson couldn't see his face

"okay you're happy i get it!"

"uhh!" Nelson flushed how could he have hugged Bart out of the blue like that

"i gotta go" Bart told him quickly then left

"oh great" Nelson thought to himself "I scared him away" he watched Barts retreating figure regretfully, Bart stopped after a few feet and turned to Nelson

"I'll call you" he said cheerfully turning away quickly before Nelson could notice how red Barts face had become.

"You pushed me!" Millhouse yelled

"I'm sorry" Ralph apologized still clutching Lisa tightly

"My butt hurts!" He shouted angrily feeling that Ralph wasn't sorry enough

"I'm sorry Hishouse" Ralph apologized again

"Whatchoo call me?" Millhouse stood up stretching to full hight trying to intimidate Ralph

"ummmm? Mi-Misshouse?" Ralph tried to correct himself

"It's Millhouse dummy!"

"Don't call him dummy!" Lisa protested slipping out of Ralph's embrace

"stay out of this Lisa" Millhouse said pulling her to the side, he turned to Ralph "you'd better make up for your mistake loser!" he said trying to sound tough

"okaay" Ralph sighed looking slightly ashamed of himself

"don't let him push you around, Ralph"

"don't make me beat you up" Millhouse threatened Ralph ignoring Lisa's comment, he showed of his tiny fist menacingly

"you wanna play wrestling?" Ralph asked stupidly

"I'm gonna mop the floor with you" Millhouse chuckled

"you wanna play house?"

"..."

"I'll be the doggy!" Ralph smiled

"Whoo!" Millhouse let out a sudden battle cry, causing both Lisa and Ralph to jump in surprise, and jumped on Ralph they fell to the floor rolling

"stop it!" Lisa called "Millhouse stop it!"

Millhouse tried to punch at Ralph but he kept loosing his balance so he settled at tugging at Ralph's shirt and rocking from side to side furiously. Ralph started feeling tired of Millhouse, He was heavy and he sweats a lot.

"Fight back you coward" Milhouse shouted putting up a show

"Okay" Ralph declared happily before grabbing Millhouse by the shoulders and kicking him in the gut sending him flying

The scene played by in slow-motion to Lisa and any onlookers who found the thought of two young lads roughing it appealing. Millhouse was sent to a 360 then fell flat on his stomach scraping his chin.

Lisa gaped at Ralph in astonishment, she had always seen Ralph as an idiot or Bart's pawn, one before she had looked at him and seen an actor but that was at least four years ago, but today Ralph Wiggum was her hero. She smiled as she helped Ralph off the floor

" My hands sweat when you touch them" he informed her looking abashed, disregarding that interesting piece of information Lisa leaned in and kissed Ralph on the cheek

"Thanks for helping me Ralph" she said softly

"Noooo!" Millhouse wailed from the floor "That was supposed to be me!"

Lisa ignored him and decided to go back to the car, she waved Ralph goodbye before she left and the hoped that nobody she knew had seen her kiss him. not that she was embarrassed or anything, okay she was a bit embarrassed Ralph's not exactly the most desired guy on the block.

She opened the car door and peered in, Maggie was already strapped in and her mom was sitting in the front seat. She was smiling at Lisa and Lisa beamed back at her. She felt a warmth spread in her chest, she wanted to hug her mother and tell her all about what had just happened to her. if there was anyone she could trust with this information it was her. Just as she opened her mouth to speak somebody roughly shoved her into the car.

"Bart, don't push your sister." Marge called disapprovingly. Lisa had fallen into that awkward chasm formed between the the drivers and passenger's seats and the seats in the back. Bart didn't even wait for her to get up he quickly took a seat and slammed the car door shut.

"What is your problem?" Lisa cried angrily as she struggled to get up. Her eyes met Bart's. Bart looked upset, his face was flushed and he was sweating. Silently, he reached down and pulled her up.

"Bart? Honey, is something wrong?" Marge asked, also noticing the state Bart was in.

"I uh-Iiiiiii'm ...fine!" Bart managed to reply while distractedly peering out of the window

"you don't look fine" said Lisa

"well, you're not fun to look at either" Bart retorted

That was when Homer finally came back from the reverend bashing and proudly showed off a tattered piece of the postman pat boxers.

"that'll teach 'em!" he said triumphantly before he drove them back home.

Authors Note: okay, i know it's been a long time and for that i am incredibly sorry. You have all been wonderful people! giving me reviews and encouraging me to continue writing, it's all so much more than i deserve 3 really!

I have been kinda ignoring this chapter. i'd written a part of it out. hated it. rewritten it. got stuck. ignored it again. And finally yesterday my little sister came over with her gameboy (that was connected to the internet), and she read all the comments i got aloud. i swear it nearly brought tears to my eyes. that's why i continued this chapter! out of sheer will-power! and guilt! x'D

p.s i hope it remained in character, it's actually been a while since i've seen the Simpsons.

p.p.s. I've realized that my grammar is terrible and that I probably need a beta any body interested in being one please just say so.


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